Alarm raised as BT phonebox used for call!!!

INCREDIBLE SCENES here today in Kings Langley as a person was sighted using a BT phonebox and unconfirmed reports coming in from the working men's club seem to suggest it was for a genuine call.

Local passerby - Barbara Tottington - was interviewed minutes after the sighting and had this to say to our 6 foot, incredibly handsome investigative journalist with a charming personality and an eye for the ladies "I just can't believe what I saw'd! There it was, plain as I see yoo now, a man inside the phonebox stood on a load of glass! Eee wasn't urinating or anythink like that eeva, oooh I'm all a fluster think I'll have a cognac to settle me nerves"

Once the furore dies down, there will be some serious questions to be asked here.

Firstly, are the mobile phone networks doing enough to advertise their services and phones?

We interviewed local man Ahmad Ahmabadlad who has been monitoring the situation over the past 18 months to try and shed some light on this, he told us "Well I only counted 15 promotional flyers through my door this week, this is an increase of 8% from last month so why would a man use a phonebox? The figures just don't add up. Now get out of my shop OR I WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN LIKE COBRA"

Recent studies have shown that town centre areas such as Hemel Hempsted all the way up to Oldham have, on average, a mobile phone outlet one in every other shop with poundland and cash converters filling up the inbetweens. But are they enough we ask? Are they doing enough to entice possible mobile users in with their Hello Kitty and Union Jack cases to showcase everyone our support for fictional cats or the British Empire whilst making that call to loved ones?

If people are forced to spend their hard earned money in a BT phonebox after having to go on a pilgrimage (akin to when Muslims go to that big thing at Mecca to worship their arab angry Jesus man) to find one with a handle and working dial tone then we say the answer to that is a resounding NO!

We also spoke to local carrier pigeons who are rumoured to be buoyed at this news as perhaps there will be a way back for them in message delivering if SMS is the next victim to this change in human mentality. A prominent spokesbird advised us "Coooo Cooo Coo Cooooo, Cooo Coo Cooooooo" I think he is maybe counting his squabs before they've hatched on that one though but we'll see.

Based on this news, we have set up a dedicated helpline on 0870 08707800 for anyone wondering how they will cope, should this totally retro trend catch on and our glorious nation turns back to the dark ages.

AFTERNOON UPDATE

The man who was sighted earlier today, reported to be using a BT phonebox for something other than relieving himself, has advised that it was a reverse call. He also stated "I thoroughly washed my hands afterwards even though I had gloves on in the first place. Gloves which I have now burned".

This allays any fears his local community had of an imminent superbug. He did advise he had recovered an Escort card, a buxom lady with a juicy looking adam's apple, said to be dated at 2008 and valued at circa £2.36 by ex-Antiques Roadshow celebrity Hugh Scully (pictured below) which he plans to auction off to fund his boy going for a McDonalds treat sometime this summer. Hugh secretely told us "I reckon I can get it for two quid straight off im though as that's wot 'Appy Meals cost, innit" whilst tapping his nose knowingly. Mum's the word Hugh, Mum's the word.



Another harrowing case solved by your investigative reporter ALWAYS on the scene with the news that matters.

*Stocks in British Telecom have been reported to plummet based on this update. This report apologises to anyone who purchased stocks after advice given on calls to our 0870 panic line.